Stepping Out In Faith
I did it! I finally talked to my pastor and told him about how God is calling me to lead the youth ministry at church. He was so pleased! Now we just have to find someone to lead my elementary children’s class.
I’m scared to death, but I am at peace with my decision. I know this is God’s will for me and I know He will lead me through it. I just have to allow Him to work through me.
I will keep you updated on the phenomenal things I know God is going to do through this youth group.
Giving Thanks
Can you believe that Thanksgiving is only three weeks away??? I certainly can’t! This year has flown by for me.
Unfortunately (or fortunately?), Thanksgiving is a holiday that is overlooked these days. Maybe it’s because we don’t give gifts or candy. I noticed this year that most of the stores had Halloween items on a few aisles and Christmas decorations on the remaining holiday aisles. When I was in WalMart on Halloween, they were busy taking down all of the Halloween stuff and putting out the rest of the Christmas merchandise. It breaks my heart that Christmas has become so commercialized. I am thankful, myself, that Thanksgiving isn’t commercialized. It can’t be — it is a holiday of the heart. I know that Christmas is too, but there are no gifts to be given for Thanksgiving, just a thankful heart. Now, Thanksgiving may not be as commercialized as Christmas, but most of the time it isn’t celebrated with true thanksgiving, either.
The Thanksgiving holiday isn’t about getting together with your family to eat turkey and dressing (although, I do love some turkey and dressing with my family), it’s about searching your heart and giving thanks for the many blessings that God bestows upon you, and even for the times of pain and suffering. The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 to “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” God has a plan. Sometimes we can’t see it and we will not see the “big picture” until His return. But we have to know in our hearts that, as Christians, everything, every circumstance is of God’s doing. Yes, this even means the not-so-happy times in our lives, too. Romans 5:2-5 says “…And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who He has given us.” Another thing to be thankful for this holiday season….
This Thanksgiving, I fervently pray that we will all stop for just a minute to think of all the people and things and circumstances in our lives that we have to be thankful for. I pray that we can all take a moment during the busy day of family get-togethers to stop, bow our heads, and offer thanks unto the Lord for all He has given us, good or bad.
Happy (early) Thanksgiving!
Today’s The Day!
Today is the day for you to get out and vote for the next president of this great country we live in! So, get yourself to the polls and get one of those nifty stickers and go get some free stuff!
Happy Halloween!
What are your little ones going to be for Halloween this year?
I hope everyone has a safe and happy Halloween!!
Putting Out The Fleece
When we moved from Virginia to Tennessee three years ago today, we left behind a wonderful church. I was heartbroken to leave the wonderful church family we had there. Our church was so active and had many opportunities for our family. Our children attended a Wednesday night children’s ministry and I taught within that ministry. We were part of a large, active Sunday School class where we all took turns hosting one event or another at our homes, outside of our usual Sunday School lessons. We had built a life around our church and it was wonderful! The thought of leaving that brought me to tears.
A few months after we moved and “tried out” a few churches, we found the church we attend now. It’s a 25 minute drive from home but something told us this was “the one”. It was a smaller church than the one we attended in Virginia and there weren’t many children. Actually, on Wednesday nights, there were three kids – the pastor’s son and my two boys. The Wednesday night children’s ministry wasn’t very exciting. It was led by older ladies in the church who had volunteered to teach the kids a Bible lesson. It was very quiet, with the leader reading the lesson and the three boys drawing pictures. It broke my heart.
After 8 months, I approached the pastor and asked if I could take over the Wednesday night children’s ministry. The board of Christian Education gave me the go-ahead and I got to work. I called my friend in Virginia and asked if I could borrow their old Wednesday night curriculum. She said yes and it all went from there. I began teaching with that old curriculum and making crafts and snacks with the kids. It was so much fun! Within the first three weeks of the “renewed” Wednesday night children’s ministry, we had 10 kids in attendance!
I’ve been the Vacation Bible School director for the past two years. This past year, I felt led to have a youth class. In every VBS I’ve seen, the pre-school class has been the largest class. Not at this church! Our 5th-7th grade was the largest class, with 20 or more kids! I just couldn’t bear to see those older youth left out when they “outgrew” VBS. I begged and pleaded for someone to lead this class. I knew in my heart God would provide someone as long as we had faith. On the Friday before VBS, the pastor’s daughter (who was home from college) made arrangements with her summertime employer so she could teach the youth class. God provided! The response was so great throughout VBS that she asked if she could continue to teach the youth on Wednesday nights. Of course, she was given the go-ahead and the Wednesday Night Youth Ministry was born. We now have 20 or more children and youth to attend our church on Wednesday nights.
Unfortunately, the pastor’s daughter had to return to college in August and we were left with finding a new leader for our youth class. The chairperson of the Board of Christian Education called me and asked if I would be willing to lead the youth class and let someone else take over the children’s class. I had some new kids in my class and they were very troubled but had begun to open up to me and were eager to learn about the gospel. I didn’t want to leave those kids! They were special to me and I was afraid that if someone else started teaching the class, they may quit coming because they were comfortable with me. I told her that I wasn’t interested but that I’d pray about it and see what God had in store for me. I suggested that they ask the Worship Leader. They had and she wasn’t interested either.
I prayed about it. But my prayer went something like this: Dear Lord, our church is in need of a leader for these youth right now. Lord, I pray that you will send someone to lead those kids to you through the teaching of your Word every week. Lord, I pray that if it is meant for [the worship leader] to do this, that you’ll open her eyes to see that this is what you want. If it’s not meant for her to do it, Lord, please send someone. Amen.
The pastor’s daughter returned to college and the pastor and his wife have made arrangements for the Wednesday night adult Bible study so that they can take turns leading the youth instead. We have continued to pray for another youth leader to come along. Every time we think we’ve found someone, it falls through.
In the meantime, those kids who were so special to me started attending another church with some friends of theirs. I miss them terribly and worry about them daily. Their living situation was not good, folks. Heartbreaking. Anyway, they left and some different kids started coming. These three kids have torn my Wednesday night ministry to bits. They are rude and vulgar and just plain out ugly to each other and to me. Hubby has started sitting in my classroom in an attempt to keep things under control. It’s bad, y’all. Every week, I leave in tears and I pray all the way home for those children and for my ministry. I pray for God to help me and to guide me and to show me what he would have me do. I feel like I am not getting through to them at all. I feel useless.
Last week, I was driving home and praying and crying, as usual. The radio was on the usual Christian station but turned down low and to the rear speakers for the boys. I don’t know what was being said, but I heard the someone (the DJ? an evangelist? I wasn’t really listening) say something along the lines of if you aren’t following God’s will in your ministry, you will no longer have his anointing. Your ministry will be useless. I wanted to pull the van to the side of the road. It was like he had spoken those words to me. Is my ministry useless? Am I not following God’s will in my ministry? Am I anointed for this ministry that I’m in? I continued to pray for the rest of the ride home, asking God to show me His will for my ministry. By the time we pulled in the driveway and got the kids unloaded and bathed, I had pushed what I had heard on the radio out of my mind.
Sunday morning, in Sunday School, we talked about Saul(Paul) and Barnabas and how the Holy Spirit had called them to be set apart for the work to which He had called them (Acts 13:1-3). The other followers laid their hands on them and sent them off. That sparked a discussion in the class about heeding the call of the Holy Spirit and to know when God has set you apart to do His work. The entire time, something was telling me that I must give in to God and lead the Wednesday night youth ministry. I pushed it out of my mind at the end of class.
Our regular Sunday service was a special singing by a semi-local quartet. Their music was beautiful. Oh my heart was full! Near the end of their “concert”, one of the singers said that God had opened their eyes some time back and showed them that they needed to go a different direction with their singing ministry. He said they needed to be more open to God’s leading when it came to when and where they traveled and sang. He went on to say more and then they sang a song about it but I don’t remember anything else because all I heard was God telling me to listen to Him and to allow Him to lead me. He was telling me to lead the youth class on Wednesday nights. At the end of the service, I pushed all of that out of my mind again and gathered up the kids and headed home.
Sunday night, the pastor was talking about the Beatitudes and somehow came around to saying “Let go, and let God”. He was talking about how we need to allow God to help us through our difficult times but we also need to allow God to lead us in good times too. The entire time he was talking, God was telling me to let go and follow Him and lead the youth class. When the pastor offered to pray with anyone who felt the need to renew their willingness to follow God’s leading or anyone who just had something on their hearts and wanted someone to pray with, I almost went to the altar. I was holding the baby so it was a good excuse for me to not go. Again, I pushed it out of my mind and went on about my business.
Yesterday morning, God was back on my case again. As soon as the boys left for school and the house was quiet, He started again. He was telling me to do His will and lead the youth class on Wednesday nights. I struggled with the thoughts of leading that class and then decided to take a shower before the baby woke up. He didn’t relent. While I was in the shower, I was just overcome with the feeling that I was not following His leading. He just kept on me about it. Have you ever argued with God? Or tried to ignore Him? It’s not easy! Finally, I just prayed for Him to help me yield to His will. But, deep inside I was still fighting Him. After I had gotten out of the shower and dried off, I broke down. I mean, I really broke down. I cried out to Him (literally) and I told Him how scared I am. I’ve never taught kids that age before. It’s way out of my comfort zone. Little kids are my thing, not teenagers. I don’t feel equipped to handle their questions. I just don’t feel like I can do it. I just don’t.
I picked up my Bible and held it in my hands and I prayed. I asked God to speak to me through his Word. I told Him that I just need to know once more that this is His will for me. Then, without looking, I opened my Bible. When I looked at the open page, my eyes fell on Isaiah 52:12 “But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.”
I prayed again, telling God how I know He will be with me but I’m still so scared to take this leap. What if I’m making a mistake? What if this really isn’t what He’s calling me to do? I wanted to be sure. I opened my Bible again. This time, my eyes fell on Ephesians 5:15-17 “Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”
I know in my heart that this is the Lord’s will for me. But I’m still so scared to take that leap. I’m scared to step out of my comfort zone. I know, though, that I will be of no use in ministry without the Lord’s blessing. I have to follow Him and do as He has called me to do.
I told Hubby last night about all that’s happened. He agrees with me that I need to follow God’s leading but at the same time, he told me to make sure that it is God who wants this and not me wanting it because my class has gotten so difficult lately. There’s also the fact that if I leave my class and go to the youth, we still need a leader for my class.
I am just so scared. I know that God will be with me. I know that. I just continue to ask God for proof. I keep asking Him to show me that He is sure. I am being like Gideon, putting out the fleece (Judges 6:36-40).
Easy Chili Beans
On a cool fall evening, there’s nothing better than a bowl of chili beans and a wedge of cornbread. Here’s the super easy way I make my chili beans. This doesn’t make really soupy chili, though, because I just don’t like mine that way.
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
1 medium onion, diced
2 (15 oz) cans light red kidney beans
2 (15 oz) cans dark red kidney beans
1 (15 oz) can diced tomatoes with green chiles
1 (15 oz) can diced tomatoes, chili style
2 – 3 Tablespoons chili powder
In a large pot, brown ground beef with the onion; drain off grease. Add beans (do not drain) and tomatoes (do not drain). Add chili powder to taste. I like mine a little spicier so I go with 3 Tablespoons or more. Allow to simmer on stovetop for a 15 minutes. Serve with shredded cheese and cornbread.
So easy and so good!
Eating My Words
When I was pregnant with Bean, I knew that I wouldn’t be like those new mommies who spoil their children. You know the ones. They do things like sit and hold their baby while it sleeps. Everybody knows you don’t hold a sleeping baby. If you do, they’ll expect you to hold them all the time. You’ll spoil them. Right?
I was told throughout my first pregnancy by many well-intended friends and family members that you don’t hold a sleeping baby. And I didn’t. When Big Al was born, I held him and played with him when he was awake, but when he got sleepy, I put him to bed. Big Al was the best little baby ever. He slept through the night at 3 weeks! He rarely cried. He was so easy going and never got tummy aches. He never had earaches or high fevers. God was good to me. He knew that, as a single mom, I needed a baby like Big Al.
When Smarty came along, I knew what to expect. I knew how to not spoil a baby. I held him and played with him while he was awake and put him to bed when he was sleepy. He played well by himself. He slept through the night at 4 months. He had a set nap schedule. He wasn’t as easy as Big Al, but he was a great baby. He would occasionally run a high fever with an ear infection. He was a happy little baby.
My mother said I was tempting fate by having a second child so close in age to my first (26 months difference in their ages) and that I would have my hands full. See, I was a good baby and my sister had colic for three months so my mom felt that if the first baby was good, the second would be a terror. She was wrong – both of my babies were good. So there!
When I told my mother (and everybody else) that we were trying to conceive another child, she (and everybody else) thought we were crazy! Three kids? Are you nuts? Your boys are half grown now, why do you want to start over with a baby? They just couldn’t understand why I would want to go through those sleepless nights and all the rough patches of life that come with caring for a newborn. They didn’t know my heart. And besides, I was an old pro at this stuff. I mean, I had taken care of the boys and they were such contented babies. This would be a piece of cake.
On the day I found out I was pregnant with Bean, my sister gave birth to her first child. She tip-toed through her house when he slept and turned the ringer off on her phone. She bought a white noise machine for his room. He didn’t sleep through the night for at least 8 months. Oh, Kimmie! I thought. You must be doing it wrong! You shouldn’t spoil him so. To each his own. More power to ya!
When Bean came, I held her and played with her while she was awake but when she got sleepy, I put her to bed. And she screamed to the top of her itty bitty lungs. So I picked her up and rocked her and sang to her until she was asleep and I would put her to bed. And she would scream. Eventually, I would lay in my bed with her in the crook of my arm and we would sleep. I don’t co-sleep. After two weeks, I was finally able to break the habit. At four months, she was sleeping 11 – 12 hours at night. An old pro, I thought to myself, I’ve got this thing in the bag.
But at six months, she started waking up at night again. I figured it was caused by teething and surely it would pass soon. For the next five months, I waited patiently for those teeth to come in so she would start sleeping through the night again. Her first teeth broke through on September 21. She still does not sleep through the night!
These past few weeks have been hard for me. I had my wisdom teeth cut out last Monday and I couldn’t nurse Bean for 24 hours because of the anesthesia. It made for a long night for both of us. She didn’t want to go to sleep. I knew it was because she wanted to nurse. She didn’t want a bottle, she wanted me. She woke up often that night. But I knew the next night would be better since I would be able to nurse her again. It wasn’t. Neither were the next three nights. I took her to the doctor for her check-up, expecting to hear that she had another ear infection since they seem to keep her awake at night. Nope, her ears are fine. Saturday night, my mother-in-law came to babysit while Hubby and I went to the University of Tennessee game. Since we didn’t get home until midnight, I wasn’t here to nurse Bean. She went to bed and went right to sleep for Nana anyway. She woke once during the night and my mother-in-law (God bless her) got up with her before I could and she went right back to sleep until the next morning. Every night since has been the usual battle.
I think I have spoiled my child.
I’m just not up for letting her scream her head off for half an hour. I can’t dish out the “tough love” that the pediatrician assures me she needs. I know I must teach her to just go to bed at night, but I just can’t do it. I’ve gone soft. She has broken me. It’s just different this time.
This morning, as sleepy as she was, she refused her nap. She wanted me to hold her. So I did. I held her and I rocked her. As, she looked up at me with her droopy little eyes, I thought to myself, Yep, I’m eating my words. I don’t care either. These moments are too fleeting. If my baby wants her mommy to hold her and rock her, so be it. I know that all too soon, she’ll be a big girl and she won’t want to sit on my lap to rock and some day (soon?) she will go to bed without too much complaint. I’ll just enjoy these moments until they are gone.
Go Big….PINK?
To me, it just doesn’t seem fitting for a Peyton Manning jersey to be pink. Perhaps it’s because the last time I checked, the Indianapolis Colts were blue and white. Maybe it’s because I just can’t see Peyton Manning prancing around in a pink jersey. Maybe it’s because football just isn’t a girlie sport.
What’s up with all this pink sports fan apparel for women?
Maybe I’m not like other women. Maybe there are women out there who want to root for their favorite team but don’t really want to wear that team’s colors in order to do so. Maybe they’d rather dress like a five year-old girl. I don’t know.
What I do know is that this past spring when we made the terribly long drive to Washington, D.C. to see the Nats play the Braves, I wanted something to wear to show my support of the team. We got to the field early and headed into the fan shop to pick up a few souvenirs and a baseball cap for me. I saw lots of hats that I liked, but they were all men’s hats. I have a small head, I guess (don’t go there!), and the smallest men’s hat is too big. Unfortunately, the only women’s hats they had looked like this:
To me, that defeated the purpose of paying upwards of $20 to show my support of the team. I mean, why can’t they make women’s hats in the team colors? Am I the only woman out there who actually wants to wear the team colors? Surely every woman in America does not want to wear pastel pink or powder blue to support her favorite team.
What did I do? I bought an adjustable men’s cap and tightened it to fit my head. It didn’t fit quite right. It actually puckered a bit in the back. But it wasn’t pink!
I’m headed down to the University of Tennessee later on today and I plan on picking up something new to wear while I’m there. You can bet your last dollar that whatever I buy, it won’t be pink.
Don’t get me wrong, I like pink. I just don’t like it in place of team colors, that’s all.
So, what’s your opinion? Do you like the pink sports apparel? Would you rather see more feminine apparel in the actual team colors, like me? Or do you not give a crap less? I’d love to know what you think.
Happy Birthday, Bean!
Today is my sweet Bean’s very first birthday! I just cannot believe that a year has passed already. I have tried so hard to savor each and every moment with her but they just seem to slip by so quickly. *sigh*
Today, I thank God for blessing my life with such a precious gift. I am eternally grateful for my Bean (and for all of my children).
Happy Birthday, sweet girl! Mommy loves you more than words.
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