Putting Out The Fleece
When we moved from Virginia to Tennessee three years ago today, we left behind a wonderful church. I was heartbroken to leave the wonderful church family we had there. Our church was so active and had many opportunities for our family. Our children attended a Wednesday night children’s ministry and I taught within that ministry. We were part of a large, active Sunday School class where we all took turns hosting one event or another at our homes, outside of our usual Sunday School lessons. We had built a life around our church and it was wonderful! The thought of leaving that brought me to tears.
A few months after we moved and “tried out” a few churches, we found the church we attend now. It’s a 25 minute drive from home but something told us this was “the one”. It was a smaller church than the one we attended in Virginia and there weren’t many children. Actually, on Wednesday nights, there were three kids – the pastor’s son and my two boys. The Wednesday night children’s ministry wasn’t very exciting. It was led by older ladies in the church who had volunteered to teach the kids a Bible lesson. It was very quiet, with the leader reading the lesson and the three boys drawing pictures. It broke my heart.
After 8 months, I approached the pastor and asked if I could take over the Wednesday night children’s ministry. The board of Christian Education gave me the go-ahead and I got to work. I called my friend in Virginia and asked if I could borrow their old Wednesday night curriculum. She said yes and it all went from there. I began teaching with that old curriculum and making crafts and snacks with the kids. It was so much fun! Within the first three weeks of the “renewed” Wednesday night children’s ministry, we had 10 kids in attendance!
I’ve been the Vacation Bible School director for the past two years. This past year, I felt led to have a youth class. In every VBS I’ve seen, the pre-school class has been the largest class. Not at this church! Our 5th-7th grade was the largest class, with 20 or more kids! I just couldn’t bear to see those older youth left out when they “outgrew” VBS. I begged and pleaded for someone to lead this class. I knew in my heart God would provide someone as long as we had faith. On the Friday before VBS, the pastor’s daughter (who was home from college) made arrangements with her summertime employer so she could teach the youth class. God provided! The response was so great throughout VBS that she asked if she could continue to teach the youth on Wednesday nights. Of course, she was given the go-ahead and the Wednesday Night Youth Ministry was born. We now have 20 or more children and youth to attend our church on Wednesday nights.
Unfortunately, the pastor’s daughter had to return to college in August and we were left with finding a new leader for our youth class. The chairperson of the Board of Christian Education called me and asked if I would be willing to lead the youth class and let someone else take over the children’s class. I had some new kids in my class and they were very troubled but had begun to open up to me and were eager to learn about the gospel. I didn’t want to leave those kids! They were special to me and I was afraid that if someone else started teaching the class, they may quit coming because they were comfortable with me. I told her that I wasn’t interested but that I’d pray about it and see what God had in store for me. I suggested that they ask the Worship Leader. They had and she wasn’t interested either.
I prayed about it. But my prayer went something like this: Dear Lord, our church is in need of a leader for these youth right now. Lord, I pray that you will send someone to lead those kids to you through the teaching of your Word every week. Lord, I pray that if it is meant for [the worship leader] to do this, that you’ll open her eyes to see that this is what you want. If it’s not meant for her to do it, Lord, please send someone. Amen.
The pastor’s daughter returned to college and the pastor and his wife have made arrangements for the Wednesday night adult Bible study so that they can take turns leading the youth instead. We have continued to pray for another youth leader to come along. Every time we think we’ve found someone, it falls through.
In the meantime, those kids who were so special to me started attending another church with some friends of theirs. I miss them terribly and worry about them daily. Their living situation was not good, folks. Heartbreaking. Anyway, they left and some different kids started coming. These three kids have torn my Wednesday night ministry to bits. They are rude and vulgar and just plain out ugly to each other and to me. Hubby has started sitting in my classroom in an attempt to keep things under control. It’s bad, y’all. Every week, I leave in tears and I pray all the way home for those children and for my ministry. I pray for God to help me and to guide me and to show me what he would have me do. I feel like I am not getting through to them at all. I feel useless.
Last week, I was driving home and praying and crying, as usual. The radio was on the usual Christian station but turned down low and to the rear speakers for the boys. I don’t know what was being said, but I heard the someone (the DJ? an evangelist? I wasn’t really listening) say something along the lines of if you aren’t following God’s will in your ministry, you will no longer have his anointing. Your ministry will be useless. I wanted to pull the van to the side of the road. It was like he had spoken those words to me. Is my ministry useless? Am I not following God’s will in my ministry? Am I anointed for this ministry that I’m in? I continued to pray for the rest of the ride home, asking God to show me His will for my ministry. By the time we pulled in the driveway and got the kids unloaded and bathed, I had pushed what I had heard on the radio out of my mind.
Sunday morning, in Sunday School, we talked about Saul(Paul) and Barnabas and how the Holy Spirit had called them to be set apart for the work to which He had called them (Acts 13:1-3). The other followers laid their hands on them and sent them off. That sparked a discussion in the class about heeding the call of the Holy Spirit and to know when God has set you apart to do His work. The entire time, something was telling me that I must give in to God and lead the Wednesday night youth ministry. I pushed it out of my mind at the end of class.
Our regular Sunday service was a special singing by a semi-local quartet. Their music was beautiful. Oh my heart was full! Near the end of their “concert”, one of the singers said that God had opened their eyes some time back and showed them that they needed to go a different direction with their singing ministry. He said they needed to be more open to God’s leading when it came to when and where they traveled and sang. He went on to say more and then they sang a song about it but I don’t remember anything else because all I heard was God telling me to listen to Him and to allow Him to lead me. He was telling me to lead the youth class on Wednesday nights. At the end of the service, I pushed all of that out of my mind again and gathered up the kids and headed home.
Sunday night, the pastor was talking about the Beatitudes and somehow came around to saying “Let go, and let God”. He was talking about how we need to allow God to help us through our difficult times but we also need to allow God to lead us in good times too. The entire time he was talking, God was telling me to let go and follow Him and lead the youth class. When the pastor offered to pray with anyone who felt the need to renew their willingness to follow God’s leading or anyone who just had something on their hearts and wanted someone to pray with, I almost went to the altar. I was holding the baby so it was a good excuse for me to not go. Again, I pushed it out of my mind and went on about my business.
Yesterday morning, God was back on my case again. As soon as the boys left for school and the house was quiet, He started again. He was telling me to do His will and lead the youth class on Wednesday nights. I struggled with the thoughts of leading that class and then decided to take a shower before the baby woke up. He didn’t relent. While I was in the shower, I was just overcome with the feeling that I was not following His leading. He just kept on me about it. Have you ever argued with God? Or tried to ignore Him? It’s not easy! Finally, I just prayed for Him to help me yield to His will. But, deep inside I was still fighting Him. After I had gotten out of the shower and dried off, I broke down. I mean, I really broke down. I cried out to Him (literally) and I told Him how scared I am. I’ve never taught kids that age before. It’s way out of my comfort zone. Little kids are my thing, not teenagers. I don’t feel equipped to handle their questions. I just don’t feel like I can do it. I just don’t.
I picked up my Bible and held it in my hands and I prayed. I asked God to speak to me through his Word. I told Him that I just need to know once more that this is His will for me. Then, without looking, I opened my Bible. When I looked at the open page, my eyes fell on Isaiah 52:12 “But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.”
I prayed again, telling God how I know He will be with me but I’m still so scared to take this leap. What if I’m making a mistake? What if this really isn’t what He’s calling me to do? I wanted to be sure. I opened my Bible again. This time, my eyes fell on Ephesians 5:15-17 “Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”
I know in my heart that this is the Lord’s will for me. But I’m still so scared to take that leap. I’m scared to step out of my comfort zone. I know, though, that I will be of no use in ministry without the Lord’s blessing. I have to follow Him and do as He has called me to do.
I told Hubby last night about all that’s happened. He agrees with me that I need to follow God’s leading but at the same time, he told me to make sure that it is God who wants this and not me wanting it because my class has gotten so difficult lately. There’s also the fact that if I leave my class and go to the youth, we still need a leader for my class.
I am just so scared. I know that God will be with me. I know that. I just continue to ask God for proof. I keep asking Him to show me that He is sure. I am being like Gideon, putting out the fleece (Judges 6:36-40).
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It sounds like you are right where you need to be, as long as you are open to hearing what God tells you to do. I don’t believe that God wants people who are perfect and the best at everything to do His work. He wants those of us who are broken, inexperienced, not perfect to do the work. Because He knows that we can’t do it. But we can allow Him to work through us. And then HE gets the glory because we have trusted Him vs. someone who may be so confident and think that the success is because of their own doing.. not God’s.
Sarah Cooks last blog post..A Swift Kick
[...] have been other things happening in my life too. God had been working on my heart and telling me to become our church’s Youth Leader. I took that step of faith and haven’t looked back! It’s been wonderful! [...]
always depend on God, and always watch your action, God always wants us to be strong in all the trials he put through, He will not give trials in life if he knows he can’t surpass it.
I totally relate. I am a prodical come home 8 months ago. I believe God is redeeming the time. My prayer life is so deep and my personal relationship is so much more than ever. I Know He is calling me to be set apart unto Him. To sit at His feet for a season of preparation. Confusion and fear are entering in due to believing He wants a relationship with a man to be set aside. Whether temporary or permant I dont know. I keep praying about it and getting same thing. Also alot of scripture on spirual warfare. Distractions. I end it and this man wont accept it. He keeps trying to talk me into believing Gods will is for us to be . I am becoming wishy washy, douting,confused. I want more than anything to be in Gods perfect will for my life. I cant take it much longer. Feel weak and scared. Please pray for this confirmation to me once and for all.
I’m lifting you up in prayer!