My Little Over-Comer

Big Al has been an “active” child all his life. Even in the womb, he was a little maniac. When I went for my ultrasound and asked to know the sex of the baby, the tech told me that he was moving about so much that she could barely get the info she needed much less find out the sex. He walked at nine months and ran at ten months. He hasn’t stopped since.

When he was four, I signed him up with a local soccer club so he would have an outlet for his energy. After an hour-long practice, he was the only child still on his feet saying “Can we run more, Coach? Let’s play some more.” All the other four year olds were lying on the ground, begging to go home because they were tired.

When Big Al started preschool, his teacher commented on his energy. She said he was easier to control if there were lesser kids in the classroom. He feeds off of other children. He managed to make it through the year without killing his teacher. He did, however, manage to run into a wall hard enough to knock himself backwards and cut his head in such a way that required stitches, bringing his teacher to tears. He’s a tough kid and he didn’t learn his lesson.

When he started kindergarten, his teacher commented to me about Big Al’s energy. She assured me that she was not surprised and, being the mother of two boys, she could handle him. And she did. Big Al had his fair share of time out and lost popsicle sticks from his pocket pretty much daily. She was a marvelous teacher, though, and Big Al loved her.

When first grade came around, Big Al was still quite active. His teacher was a real go-getter, a former cheerleader, and she found ways to encourage him to complete his work while sitting in his seat. She figured out that if she challenged him to do his work in a set amount of time, he would always take her up on the challenge. He’s a fierce competitor. He was losing popsicle sticks and getting time out but he was getting his work done and liking the first grade. Then we moved to another state….

Let me just say I will never again move my children from one school to another in the middle of a school year. Big Al has always been a very outgoing child. I’ve always joked that the boy could make friends with a fence post. He hasn’t a shy bone in his body. I figured he would adapt well when we moved, making friends quickly. I had already checked with the new school and found out that the curriculum they were using was the same as the school he was attending and he was up to speed. This was going to be a breeze!

It wasn’t. His new first grade teacher had no tolerance for his “nonsense”. She complained that he was too energetic and after five days of having him in her classroom, she told me I should have him tested for ADHD. I’ve been told that it is illegal for teachers to tell you this about your child but I don’t know that for certain. I really felt like Big Al was just having a little trouble adjusting to the move and told her we wouldn’t be having him tested. Since he was such a menace to her, she moved him to a separate desk, isolating him from the other students who sat at two large tables. Big Al couldn’t make friends. His teacher said it was because the other students thought he was a trouble-maker and they didn’t like him. She encouraged them to stay away from him. It broke my heart. He was miserable. He quit trying and starting making failing grades because he wasn’t doing his work at school.

I gave in and decided to have him tested after a few months. I chose not to have the testing done through the school system and, instead, chose my own doctor. They wanted me to bring Big Al in for a consultation. I did and after a while of one-on-one consultation with their therapist, she determined that he did not need to be tested and that he was acting out due to the circumstances at his dad’s house (that’s a whole other story). After talking to the therapist for a while, Big Al “straightened out” at school and started doing his work and making A’s again! I was so glad he was able to show his teacher what a good student he could be. Then came second grade….

Second grade started out rough for Big Al. I know now what I didn’t know then: he likes to push the teacher’s buttons the first six weeks of school to see what he’s gonna be able to get by with! I know, I could strangle him for it. His second grade teacher was a Godsend! She was perfect for him. She was an older lady, with two grown sons. She was the epitome of “tough love”. She and I worked together to help Big Al survive the second grade. I spent many days sitting in her classroom, pushing him to do his work and sit still, just to let him know that I was on her side. She decided that Big Al needed something to channel his energy into so he didn’t stand up or twirl around in his seat during class so she gave him a stress ball. Ya know what? It worked! He also started wearing a watch to help him see how much time he was spending on each assignment. That really encouraged him to complete his work instead of pretending his pencil was a rocket. He breezed right through the remainder of second grade without many more time outs. Then came third grade…..

Oh my. His third grade teacher was a great gal, really. She was so fun. She adored Big Al and his creativity. She admired the fact that even though he appeared to be off in La-la Land where his pencil was a rocket that shot cap erasers, he was totally in tune to what she was saying and could answer any question she threw at him. Since she determined that he was a wonderful student who didn’t really need to pay attention to get A’s, she didn’t make him pay attention. Big Al figured all of this out and decided that he no longer had to do any classwork in order to pass. This escalated to Big Al no longer doing anything at school, including refusing to take a test on more than one occasion! His teacher said she begged him to do it but he just played with his pencil and twirled around in his chair instead so she didn’t push it. What?!? Needless to say, this wasn’t working for us. Third grade turned out to be the year from hell. Big Al needs tough love, not fun-lovin’.

Then came the news that enabled us to see the light at the end of the tunnel: Second grade teacher was now a fourth grade teacher! She let me know and asked to have Big Al in her class again. I spoke with the principal (with whom I am quite familiar with at this point) and begged to have Big Al in her class. He honored my request! Big Al did a victory dance in the hall at the Back-to-School Bash when he learned the news.

This year has been wonderful! Big Al has matured so much over the summer. His teacher sent me a note saying how much of a change she can see in him from second grade. Oh, he’s still a little ball of energy, but he’s learned to control himself now. He is completing his classwork and getting play time and I’m getting notes from his teacher with smiley faces on them! Yesterday, he got a special prize for being one of only three children in his class who was silent and followed all instructions during the “stranger drill” the school conducted! I cannot tell you how proud I am of my guy – and how proud he is of himself.

You may be reading this and thinking to yourself, “gosh lady, can’t you see your kid has issues? You need to have him tested again.” At least that’s what my mother-in-law thinks most of the time. But, you know what? I don’t want to put my child on medication to control his “energy”. I don’t judge those who do. Some kids really need it. But I choose to help Big Al learn to control himself and to learn habits that will help him throughout his lifetime. And that works for us.

I am so proud of my boy….